12 Step Guide
You’ve dropped a lot of money for your guided trip and you may still have some questions about the experience and effectiveness of the person you have hired. Here are “12 Ways to Test Your Fly Fishing Guide”.
1 – At the beginning of the trip, ask what the limit is and what the biggest fish of the year has been. Then tell your guide you would like both in a half-day.
2 – After receiving a new fly and listening to your guide expound on its virtues, complexity, and rare materials, promptly cast it into a tree.
3 – Hit your guide in the face with your line or fly every few minutes to be sure he/she is paying attention.
4 – After breaking off several large fish, complain about how slow the fishing is.
5 – Always wait until your indicator resurfaces before setting the hook and then complain about how slow the fishing is.
6 – Your guide suggests streamer fishing and explains how to “strip set”. Ignore that advice and be sure to set the hook like bass pro Mike Iaconelly on “City Limits Fishing”.
7 – When you hook a big fish, clamp down on the reel and don’t give an inch of line. After breaking off the fish, you can blame your guides knot and then ask for a better fly.
8 – Every time you miss a fish, ask for a larger hook.
9 – Hook your guide or another angler in the boat to see if your guide knows the “loop trick” to remove a hook from human flesh.
10 – As soon as your guide gets done telling you about how good the next run is, take a break while you float by.
11 – Move from side to side to keep the boat off balance in order to test your guides rowing skills and patience.
12 – After your guide points out the ultimate spot, explains the presentation, positions the boat and says “make the cast”; cast toward the other side of the river.
At the end of the trip, tell your guide he/she worked hard, it was the best trip you ever had; truly the experience of a lifetime. Then leave your leftover food as a tip. Just kidding about this one; Really.
Note: If you happen to be planning a trip with me, don’t worry. I’ve already been tested. Its also important to understand that this list is by no means meant to make any previous guests feel inadequate or unappreciated. I’ll always remember you fondly, even if you’ve tested me from this list. Some of my favorite guests have done so. If you test me on more than two or three of these however, be sure to book early as spaces are very limited.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
13. Promptly tell your guide that you fished with Fred the day before and nothing you are doing is even remotely the same as the way he did it.
I’ve always wondered why, when some guys show me pictures from his trips, so many of their guides look like they are about ready to cry …
You may be onto some of the reasons Quill. I have only listed 12 of many. These are the things we laugh about (as all guides do) while downing a pint of Glacier IPA at the Kingfisher in Cooper Landing, Alaska. Of course I realize that many of our guests are out of their element and that if I walked into a board room, courtroom or operating room, I’d likely be a mess.
I have a buddy who is a guide, and he says that the amount of Copenhagen chewed in a day is a direct reflection of what his clients were like. Interestingly I’m fishing with him this weekend. I’ll be monitoring his chew intake.
Wishing you good luck on the water this weekend and hoping your guide does not choke on his chew.
Just great! The only guide I’ve ever been with put us up on rock…picture guide, clients and gear sliding into the drink. He got us out in the nick of time and into some pretty good fishing despite it being my first time. I only hooked him once and left me with a smile and him with a nice tip.
Glad the guide pulled it off and left you smiling. Sounds like you got him back for the scare with a little body piercing. I could probably write a piece on all the times I’ve been impaled. Its par for the job. Tight Lines!…to the fish, not the guide.
Well said, Fred!! I might print this off and send it to all my clients along with their “trip planning” materials! Thankfully, after a long Alaskan winter, I can smile and laugh at your “12 ways…” might not get the same reaction come October. See you on the water soon.
Thanks Kyle. These type of incidents are much funnier in March than in September for certain. I’m sure we will both experience some of these and a few more this season. Still can’t think of anything else I’d rather do.
Fred I’d love to hear a story about your worst client.
That’s a pretty easy one, if I can include a party of three Beverly Hills, Attorneys. The second worst was a Hollywood Attorney. I’ll have to work on it.
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